do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
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Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
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I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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