she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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