eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
no you cant smoke seaweed
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
