I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
