you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
