I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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