Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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