i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
