you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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