I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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