Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
