Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
