If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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