I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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