It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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