Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
