Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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