we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
