Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
