in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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