i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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