You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
