is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
