i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
