my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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