When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
