I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
