This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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