i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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