New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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