It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i will never coherently bang her
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We are two peas in an std pod
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
