I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
