So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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