You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
