he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
