Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
