I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
