I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
