There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
