So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Dicks are not precious.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
