i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Bring me that man meat
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
