I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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