i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
