I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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