Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
