if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
