As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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