he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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