Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
