Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
