when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
