you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
