her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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