Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
i think i just lost a toe
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
