I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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