2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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