I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
