WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
