Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
