A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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