I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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