I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
