the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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